Uno...I'm out :)

Nothing quite says F&M InterVarsity like an all-inclusive game of Uno where we're teaching people how to play along the way. Not wanting to leave anyone out or to make a start a new game, we kept adding players until is was more than just F&M and you literally had to crawl into the middle to play your card. It was very easy to forget who had uno or stop them before they were out and eventually left the game. It was an amazing experience and now an awesome memory that I think encompasses my thoughts about F&M as I wind down my final days with F&M's InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. It's been fun to play and learn and grow with the students and the campus I first learned to love as a student my freshman year- 8 years ago. Just like Uno, the colors and directions around the circle, style of play (regular, crazy, etc.) and players themselves change but the game is the same.

The ministry at F&M has been like this for me. During my first four years I learned about college ministry and how to love my friends and peers the way God loves them and to hope for them the way God hopes for them. Over the last four years, I've gotten to see what it means to learn while leading, inviting others to join in, and assisting in the work God is already doing by cultivating and watering the seedlings of growth and new life God has planted all over the campus. Now I'm being called to another garden to help tend as I step into assisting with the ministry at York College of Pennsylvania. I've said uno and now play my last card, ready to leave the game because my cards have run out. In many ways it's actually time to reshuffle the cards and and join the fun at York - to laugh, learn, pray, worship, fellowship, and together, care for the students at York. God has given me a hope that students at York also might truly live in the strength of his truth and promises, love the campus and be loved by the community he's establishing in the fellowship group, and laugh celebrating and sharing with joy all that God has done in their lives and world. Change can be a hard but beautiful thing. I'm excited to see what God will do as he brings the things he's started to completion in him.

Walking to God's temple

Walking to God's temple on an F&M Wednesday night

Step by step.

One in front of the other.

Not always sure why I’m going.

Not always sure who I will see.

One or more will always gather.

Step by step.

I realize I’m approaching God’s temple.

My heart leaps and groans for worship and community.

But my people are gone.

In its place I find a new generation

Doing things just a little bit differently.

Step by step.

I realize my goals are not their goals.

My experiences are not their experiences.

We sing different songs, and offer different food.

But my God is their God.

Step by step.

I realize we come to go.

To be sent out.

To be called out.

To bless others out.

To bless those here.

Step by step.

I realize God moves as fast and deep as a winter wind

But can also sit silently on a park bench for hours in the night.

Step by step.

I see that God is here and there.

Walking with him is more than a dance

It’s a ballet telling the never ending story of creation and life.

Each move pushes us forward and back in time

in sync with the other dancers.

Each is tasked with specific moves to reveal the story.

None get more than a few steps in the spotlight.

Step by step.

I realize I’ve danced.

I want to yet dance again.

I want to dance the lead but know I’m not ready.

I want to trust in his lifts and gentle touches

leading in guiding in ways that seem endless.

Step by step.

I realize I’ve arrived at the temple

to go from the temple and

carry the light out to the world.

Wear Your Joy like a Pink Boa!

I'm not usually a fan of pink boas but I think that's the best way to describe the sometimes socially-awkward, bold peace that is joy - it's not made to match everything and certainly wants to stand out. It also gives the wearer a new confidence and fun attitude. True it can be quickly stolen, but it you give it away fast enough you get to keep a growing portion.

This last year I've been on a quest for joy only to realize it was chasing me. I've talked so much about living in truth, loving our communities, and laughing bringing joy to the world, but forgot that joy is an attitude not something you can wrap up with a bow. A mid-summer trip to the Colorado mountains as an advisor with the youth from my church reminded me that life is about the journey not the destination.

Our destination was Fort Collins, Colorado and the National Youth Conference for the Church of the Brethren, but what made the trip most meaningful was the journey to and from meeting God in the mountains. True nothing bonds you like 10 days in a bus that sometimes feels more like an ark, sleeping on church floors together or playing countless rounds of Uno. But it's in doing life together 24/7 that brings out everyone's true colors and builds new relationships.

Admittedly, I didn't know what to expect hopping on a bus with 37 people I didn't know very well and mostly under the age of 18. But I was more than pleasantly surprised by how refreshed and renewed I returned after being blessed not only with their company, but their infectious joy and laughter. Sure, there was a bit of drama at times, but all the best stories have those, too.

Whether we were looking out over Ohio from King's Islands' Eiffel Tower, exploring the St. Louis Zoo, swatting away mosquitoes at McPherson College, sitting still and listening in a prayer labyrinth, guessing the shapes of the rocks at the Garden of the Gods, vying for the gold at the Olympic training center, holding a new friend from falling out while White WaterRafting, hiking up the trails in the Rockies, sorting clothing at the Habitat Restore, dancing and singing during conference worship, fulling engaged by the wonderful speakers and musicians, enjoying Twisted Lizard Tacos in the Windy City, playing carpet ball while talking about what awaits us at our return or shouting at the top of our lungs during the bus sing-along to the conference CD as we pull into the final parking lot - God was moving in our midst and leading us in new ways, deeper ways than any of us could anticipate.

Our joy was as bright and bold as the pink cheap luggage tape we wore like headbands, boas, and neckties. It was like the 3,000 glow sticks lighting a gym and like millions of bubbles raining down on us.

The Night is Darkest Before the Dawn or Life is like an Onion

It took a blackout literally for me to see the sun shining through the clouds. This past year has been a mixture of many things, for all the highs and lows it felt like I was always chasing joys that seemed to be just out of reach. Living in a house with several other women has, in reflection, been a beautiful challenge. We're all so different but so similar at the same time - we know how to bless each other and how to push each others buttons. I guess that's the beauty of true community living though. You fully open yourself to be vulnerable with others- as they open up so do you. Well you can or you can choose to not and suffer the consequences of either isolation or too much pride that leads to bitterness- like biting into an onion instead of cooking it into the meal. (That sweet, but subtle flavor of onions spices up the best meals - you know when it's there and when it's not.)

I never understood why people cried at movies or when they cut onions. But then I realized that onions are so tightly packed with nutrients and other good stuff that to force it open releases all this instantly in to the air. etc. It can be too much to handle all at once. Just like that climatic moment in the movies - just the right good stuff at the right time can overwhelm the senses. You can also peel those layers back one by one... which is I think more like real life.

We have those movie moments in real life that just make us cry as we're overwhelmed by it all, but then there's life at the regular pace where we peal back bit by bit to discover more of who we are as we work multiple jobs, maintain friendships, get involved in the community, pay bills, clean house. When we figure out another layer we sit back and smile or question or cry as we find that release in the midst of juggling. I think these are moments outside our space-time continuum, where for a moment time stands still. Just like that moment right before the dawn and the moment dawn breaks. There is a realization that it's a dark place but the hope of the promised daybreak makes that moment part of an adventure. It's a challenge to go through it and you know you'll be stronger after.

This year living in our house has been a challenge for me and only now would I call it an adventure. -They're great girls but the mix of people leaves it all like a wild card each day. Anyway as we sat in the absolute dark in our living room with the power out deciding what we should do something changed. We all shared and all compromised to find a good fit for a plan in the dark. We soon were all on our way to a local diner to stay cool and find something for everyone - raisin toast, fruit and baked oatmeal, a drink to take the edge off, and an omelet with the fixings. Talking and laughing louder than anyone else in the diner about our crazy weeks and crazier waiter, the dawn broke. Suddenly the light shed on the fact that we'd actually all become friends that genuinely cared about each other, our work and life situations, and wanted to spend our dark time together. It was like cracking open an onion to find joy suddenly fill the area.

I'd been chasing the promise of joy and suddenly found it upon me. We came back and did a little bit of everything (that you can do in the dark anyways), shadow puppets, flashlight mini-dance party and a movie as we waited for the electric to come back on. We went our separate ways when it did, but not without knowing we were all a little bit closer.

Tell the Story: Living the Good and Beautiful Life because of a Good and Beautiful God

"How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively.
"You must want to fly so much that you're willing to give up being a caterpillar."
~ Hope for the Flowers, by Trina Paulus.

It arrived on what felt like the worst day of the semester and right before my own potential break down. I was so stressed, tired, and worn out from my multiple jobs and responsibilities and new community living. I really think I was about to cry if anyone asked me to do one more thing. I picked up The Good and Beautiful God, a book I just happened to receive in a mailing that day, and began to read to escape the world. It was if God was speaking those words of love and encouragement to me. I can't tell you how encouraging it was - it had bite sized portions of God's truth, love, and grace with practical ways to actually live in these truths each week. The first of which was to get regular restoring sleep, and I made a point to sleep well that night (I guess I was so overbooked that I almost needed permission to sleep). I read that book paced as suggested and made it a part of my weekend reading. By the end I was so encouraged and really did feel closer to God and found myself really wanting to know God better. It was just the encouragement I needed to survive a semester of transitions and changes.

Then I attended Urbana09 and forgot to bring the book with me (I was on the last chapter). I was so exited to see the second book at the Urbana book sale, I stood there in the store reading the final chapter, so that I could buy the second one and instantly start reading. This book about the good and beautiful life has been amazing too. It's absolutely helping me change my life. I've just really been struck by the image of the butterfly. I don't know if you've read Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus, but it is a wonderful companion to this Good and Beautiful Series. This second semester I feel transformed with power like I have wings to fly and can see what can't be seen from the ground. I have new eyes, strength, and drive. Having once been more like a sluggish caterpillar myself, I better know how to help other caterpillars explore what it could look like to fly, and trust in a process and in a God and Creator that can't always be explained or reasoned. I feel the desire to actually better care for myself so that I might care for others and not just pour myself out until I'm dry or feel like I've given my time and resources to as many people as possible, but actually want to think about life like flying, drifting and floating according to the wind or spirit's leading. Like a butterfly, I feel like I can fully be in a moment and in a place, bless it and then keep moving, remembering that because of Jesus my burden is never too heavy to ground me. Especially in the beginning of the semesters, I'd often try to crawl back in my cocoon to try to better look like everyone else and blend in, but that doesn't serve them or me. I've been given the gift of flight, encouragement and persistent hope, that's who God created me to be and who he'd like me to share with the world. I feel much more confident being myself and loving those around me.

I hope this to be true for the students I work with too. Our vision is to see every student welcomed in to a community that lives in truth, loves the campus, and laughs bringing joy to the world. We hope that everyone would fully know and live in God's truth, love, and grace; that they'd open themselves to genuinely love and be loved by the community, and that they'd practice sharing their praise and testimonies of God's goodness in ways that bless their neighbors and the world which they will go out into. In a world of such darkness and despair, true joy from experience can be a stronger hope and override any doubts. Which interestingly parallels this Good and Beautiful series, I'll swear though that we had this statement before we'd heard of the books. It's just a really fun connection. But I believe that all these things can and will be used for good, to encourage and bring people together across nations, cities, communities, and even in a house. Words are powerful; words shared are even more powerful. Thus I strive to follow the example of the butterflies before me. Maybe I too will find myself in a powerful moment to share words to encourage and charge others as Nelson Mendala once did in South Africa not so long ago.

As Nelson Mandela said (Quoting Marianne Willamson) in his 1994 Inaugural Speech:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing it small does not serve the World.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

How do you grow in reconciliation? 2 Corinthians 16-21 shows Paul's perspective. (Like a butterfly, I'll argue)
¹⁶So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. ¹⁷Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ¹⁸All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. ²¹God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

So it could be argued that to get reconciliation = Plant Hope, Grow Love, so that you might Live and help others live as a new Creation with Open Hearts, Minds, Ears, and Mouth to tell the story.

So, Would you like to fly with me?

God sends us spring flowers

I came across this image on Wikipedia as I was searching for the name of the beautiful little flowers that greeted me as I left the house today. I didn't really notice them this morning, but as I left the house after lunch they were completely opened and stood out brightly against the brown shallow dirt. I didn't think anything was able to grow on this heavily trodden part of the path. Yet these are the first beauties of the new spring. The first to soak in the sun after the hard winter.

Truthfully, this is the last place I expected anything to bloom let alone flowers this beautiful. It really is the most walked on bit of the yard where the sidewalk and paths to front doors meet and probably the spot we shoveled most of the snow. I guess I'm struck by the beauty and strength of the unexpected. We were recently reading in Jeremiah 32 about God's promise of restoration to his people. It was a display of his power and grace to bring a winter season under the rule of the Babylonians; a time of harsh realities of oppression and cold truths. The people had to experience this time under the snow to be refreshed and replanted in ways to continue their growth. What may have looked like the end to them was really a fresh start. They just couldn't see through all the snow.

Through God's promise of restoration, like the stimulus package of manna in the desert as they left Egypt, the Israel's regain their land and it's business as usual much more quickly than a society in that time would've been able to bring things up to speed. Not only did God give them their fortunes and make them prosper, he rid the land and society of all the evils in society slowing them down. He helped them remove their distractions and simplify life so that they could actually enjoy it more. He shows us that less is more. He takes what's black and white and dirty gray and infuses it with new life and color. He tells them in verse 37, "See, I am going to gather them from all the lands to which I drove them in my anger and my wrath and in great indignation; I will bring them back to this place, and I will settle them in safety. ³⁸They shall be my people, and I will be their God. ³⁹I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me for all time, for their own good and the good of their children after them. ⁴⁰I will make an everlasting covenant with them, never to draw back from doing good to them; and I will put the fear of me in their hearts, so that they may not turn from me. ⁴¹I will rejoice in doing good to them, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul. ⁴²For thus says the Lord: Just as I have brought all this great disaster upon this people, so I will bring upon them all the good fortune that I now promise them.

I hope to believe that these purple crocuses outside the house serve not only to remind me of the ways God has already given me grace and forgiven me, but also as a sign of him wishing me well too. Just as we wish to brighten someone's day longer than our presence when we take flowers to those who are ill or disheartened; they serve as a reminder that they are loved and thought of. I think God wants to remind us that we are loved and that he's thinking of us.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crocus

http://hankinslawrenceimages.wordpress.com/2008/04/12/crocuses-daffodils-and-hyacinths/

Letting go of broken seashells to seek the starfish...

Last week at our Wednesday night large group we watched Rob Bell's Nooma video Shells. The planning team had hoped to inspire people to take a closer look at especially the "good things" we say yes to that crowd out our schedules so we can no longer directly pursue the best one thing. In small groups we discussed this best one thing to be that which God has prepared for us or is laying out before us in our lives whether that's a career choice or with whom we decide to spend our lunch hour. Do we let it be about ourselves and satisfy our immediate desires because we don't trust that others or God would provide what we want? or maybe something even better than what we really want?

In the video, Rob Bell describes his son collecting handfuls of broken seashells as they family walks along the beach. Which seems to be a lot of fun until the family comes across a starfish floating on the water nearby. The boy decides that is the one thing he really wants and wades out to try to get it. Multiple times the boy runs back to the shore frustrated without the starfish. The parents encourage him to keep trying afraid that it's the depth of the water concerning him. After several tries, the boy gives up and complains to his parents that he can't grab the starfish because his hands are too full of shells. This left us considering how we may be collecting too many broken seashells. Discussions that night seemed to be going well. Students seemed to be truly mulling over this question and considering and praying over ways to drop the broken seashells in our lives to be have a free had to hold the special starfishes that come along, often unexpectedly.

Tonight, I believe the broken seashells won. I feel as if the my group and I bought the lie that enjoying the broken seashells of following the crowd is better than offering people a starfish by creating a place for students to meet Jesus on a Wednesday night. Tonight in almost the same time and space as our large group meeting, was a multiple a cappella group concert - all the rage tonight. If the concert hadn't overlapped so, I'm sure I would've enjoyed it myself. I was just sorely disappointed in the example we set of the value of our large group meeting. Many just assumed we'd cancel the meeting because of the concert. "We didn't cancel in the snow, so why would we cancel for the concert?" I asked. True we didn't have the turn out we normally do, but we weren't able to really keep the ones that did come. Many I believe had come seeking truth and restoration, and instead we offered them snacks and conversations while listening to the concert in our weekly set up - they left looking just as stressed about work as when they'd entered. Empty chairs in the normal set up just seemed to be a painful reminder that we'd sold out by appeasing their alternate desires.

Now that's not to say that there weren't still great conversations. I was able to have a wonderful extended conversation and prayed with a graduating senior stressed about what he'll be doing next and where God might be leading him. This I do treasure. I'm just sad that there wasn't even effort shown of desire to be apart of what might be happening. We couldn't have been any closer to the concert. All they had to do was walk up the stairs.

I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place of enforcing leadership expectations and allowing experience to teach. I say all this not to complain but to describe the situation from which I'm beginning to pray. Please pray that God would be with us, hold us all accountable to his plans, and grant us wisdom and grace as we listen to each other. May it be a time of celebrating the ways God has blessed us this year and opportunity to look forward to all that he is calling us to do in the future.